"Hal and I've lived here in Cedar Hills for going on 40 years now in the same house. Nothin' strange ever happens to us, and that's how we both like it. Then one day, the Gate family moved in next door and everything started going haywire!"
"How so?"
"Our furniture would move a little when I wasn't looking. My chair moved a whole foot. Two of our picture frames got swapped around."
"Oh..."
"Sometimes, walking down the hall, you'll run into a pocket of freezing cold air and if you linger too long it makes you anxious. I've been woken up by tapping on our bedroom window."
"Oh?"
"Our bedroom's on the second floor! I never look out the window when it happens. It's not any of my business."
"I see."
"Now, I know what you're thinking. I figured I was finally starting to get old and, well. My ma had dementia before she went. So I headed over to Dr. Tom's to see if there was something I should do. Do you know what he told me?"
"What's that?"
"He took a blood test and said it checked out okay. Had me write out this little questionnaire. Then, he said, 'I have no idea, Debbie. You're not going crazy. If there's something going on at home, it may be a good idea to call someone in.'"
"And did you?"
"Well, it was doctor's orders, but who the hell was I supposed to call about wandering furniture? I rang up Dan's pest control. Three hours he marched around the house, just to tell me he had no idea what could be going on and drive away. Thanks a lot, Dan."
"You mentioned this happened around the time you got new neighbors?"
"Not just around, it started the day they moved in. I've heard of troublesome folk who drag curses around wherever they go... They're a nice family, too. It's a shame about their son."
"Did something happen to their son?"
"Well, not yet, but it's only a matter of time. He's one of those, you know... he means well, bless his heart, but he's on a wicked path."
"...Excuse me?"
"He wants to play guitar for a living."
"..."
"It's hard to hear, I know. We're praying for him, but he still only knows Radiohead songs. None of the niche ones, either. Mostly Creep and No Surprises. Anyway, I - oh, hold on, Hal's trying to talk to me. Hold on."
"Oh, okay. Should we -"
"...Yeah, I'm calling into that radio station. The one about ghosts and aliens.
"..."
"...What do you mean, 'why'? We're being haunted! Remember, I was complaining 'cause the sofa got moved - YOU DID THAT!?"
"..."
"...Okay, sure. New neighbors and all, it's a good time to shake things up a bit... No, I'm not mad. I was just stressin' 'cause I didn't know *you* moved it. I had no idea... ... ...Hahaha! Okay, I gotta wrap up this phone call, and I'll be in bed soon... Okay, hello?"
"Hello?"
"I'm sorry about that. Looks like there might not've been anything scary going on at all. Just my husband Hal being a spook. I should've expected that."
"So he was tapping on the window, too?"
"Hmm, wait, I'm not sure. HEY, HAL, DID YOU- nah, he's already asleep. Well, thanks for having me on tonight. I'm gonna go get some shuteye. Bye now!"
"Wait, but-"
*click*
"...More after this."